Random Ramblings

“The beautiful deserve to be happy”

I didn’t quite understand what she meant and I asked for clarity. She told me that beautiful people did deserve to be happy. That it made sense that the beautiful girl would fall in love and get married and have kids and would be happy and that she deserved it because she was beautiful. The look on my face made her go on. She tells me that she doesn’t expect to have all of that because she knows that with the way she looks no one will want her. She concedes someone might settle for her eventually and she’ll go along with it simply because it’s the only chance she’ll get.

I must admit that I didn’t really know what to say at first. The first thing I did, was tell her that she was beautiful! I explained how beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that looks are not the only criteria by which we choose life partners. I tell her that being a good person is what really counts. After my long speech, I knew I still didn’t have her convinced.

After I put the phone down and I got back to work, my mind continued to ponder what we talked about. In many ways what I was saying was a lie and I knew it. The bottom line is, that what you look like matters most. It’s what gets that initial attraction going and more often than not, it ends there. That is the reality of life. I know not all people judge by someones physical appearance but more often than not, that’s what happens. It makes me wonder though if I should have tried so hard to convince her she was wrong when deep down, there’s alot of truth in it. hmmm…

Awhile ago I had decided that maybe I didn’t want to have kids and recently I’ve become alot more firm in that decision. I know that that might change if I got married and had accomplished some of the goals I had set for myself, maybe. I do doubt it. Ever since starting the Muslim Youth Organisation in 2005, it’s been my dream to open up a youth centre and if I allow myself to let the dream get as big as I like, I see myself living in a house that takes in young people who need a place to live for abit. A refuge. I also want to be able to run a refuge for Women who have been abused but the youth one first. For the next three weeks one such young person will be living with my family and I.ย  She is what is described as “youth at risk”. I’m terrified of bringing my work home. Im terrified of doing the wrong thing by her and by my family. I’m worried about the responsibility and of things spiralling out of control. My parents are doing this for me. I appreciate it but I wish they’d do it just because she is a child in need. Doing it for me, just up’s the pressure on me. I think it’s ironic that I’ve decided not to have kids and yet at 26 I’m trying to play mother to a 13 year old. I pray that Allah helps me through this and guides me but most of all that things work out for this little girl. Ameen.

Between getting over Camp, taking on this case and the War in Gaza, I feel drained. i don’t have the energy or the will to do much else. I feel like I’m dragging myself around and willing myself to be upbeat and yet I seem to be failing.ย  I don’t have the time for petty stories. I don’t have the sympathy or the patience for the woe to me’s who have a problem with everything and yet their lives are actually cruisy. I don’t even have the patience for my own woe to me’s. I find it pretty pathetic that I can worry about my own fortunate life.

One of my students got married recently, she is 17. As per Arab custom, the Nikkah was done at her engagement. She was very lucky in that her parents allowed her and her husband to spend alot of time together to get to know each other. The wedding was in December and they’ve just gotten back from their honeymoon. She brought him to the shop today so I could meet him. I thought that was so sweet. They are so in love and she is just radiant masha Allah. It made me so happy to see. She wanted to say thanks because when she had doubts she felt like she could talk to me and now it all turned out so well. I never even realised that I was giving her support or advice so I’m glad it was positive.

Oh, I got nominated as one of the top ten inspiring leaders in Australia. Once you are nominated, they compile information about you and create a book which they use to inspire other young people. I thought it was nice of them to have thought of including me and I’m excited to see what comes out of it.

After awhile we all need to just get over lost love.ย  Random, I know


7 thoughts on “Random Ramblings

  1. aww saals, thanks. I think it’s fantastic that i can find inspiration in people like you and I am grateful that in turn I can do the same.

  2. whao … way to go.
    you are raising my bars for me my dear.
    and i am truly humbled by being inspired by someone like you.
    keep smiling.
    and yes you are beautiful… looks i dont care much about, but in words and deeds that appear, you indeed are!
    Bless You

  3. Congrats hey ๐Ÿ˜€

    Some people don’t get me when I tell them that looks matter, and no matter how people deny it…it’s what initially attracts a person to you.

    It’s the person you are that determines whether that attraction will grow into something more substantial or if it will come to an end.

    Sad, but true.

    I feel more-or-less the same when it comes to kids…I just dont know if what I could be as a mother would be enough to bring to the table, and I dont ever want to be responsible for failure on that scale…and in a world like ours, its one hell of a gamble.

  4. Congrate Emmy. I’m proud of you ๐Ÿ™‚

    It really is quite an achievement.

    Id like to know more about the arab custom – nikkah at engagement thing.

  5. Thanks guys ๐Ÿ™‚

    MJ- basically the Nikkah happens at the engagement. It allows the couple to then see each other without hijab and lets them get to know each other. Different families will allow different freedoms after the “engagement”. Some wil only be phone contact, others will allow the boy to visit but they will be chaperoned and other families will even let them be alone together( this is especially in the case where the couple fell in love and everyone knows the’ve been together for awhile) A few months later ( it can be any amount of time) they have a reception which is the white dress afair and thats when the couple officially live as husband and wife.

    So in the stricter families, during the engagement period contact is only for teh purpose of deciding if they would like to be together for the rest of their lives. I know quite a few people who called things off during this time when they got to know the other person. They then get a divorce and that’s that.

    I’m told that the engagement period also allows both young people to save money and buy things together and then once they have everything, they hold the reception and then they start their lives as husband and wife.

    Sorry if that was long winded ๐Ÿ™‚

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