Happily ever after

In three months you will be a married woman my friend. It seems like just yesterday we were kids trying to sneak out of the house to go down to the shops so I could see Gus. Man, you hated Gus. You were right, He was a slime ball but the things he could do just with his eyes alone,  words couldn’t quit capture. I wonder now, with your own marriage coming up, if you can understand that feeling. Maybe not, you are in love, I was in lust and even though love and lust are so easily interchangeable, I don’t think you are in lust with him.

In three months you will be a married woman my friend. As you start frantically preparing for your big day, before meringue dresses and colour schemes and trousseau’s take over your mind I need to tell you to take a break and listen to what I have to say. You see, in marriage I have no experience but in relationships and love I have much. What you choose to take from what I say is up to you and maybe what I’m saying is take it with a pinch of salt. After all I have no experience.

In three months you will be a married woman my friend. The journey and road ahead is long. You are only still a baby in many ways. In the next three months you will be caught up in preparing for your wedding and everyone around you will be equally crazy, planning this one day. For me, the one day will come and go and in the future your memory of it will fade and the frills and lace won’t even feature in the recall. We’ve conditioned you see, to fantasise about this one day from the time we Little girls. I need you to make sure you are prepared for the marriage and not the wedding.

A marriage is not about love. Love is the bonus. Love is what develops from living daily life with the other person. It is a feeling based on trust, respect, kindness ,care, compromise, understanding friendship, loyalty. What you think is love for him now is nothing compared to what you will feel towards him after the first year of marriage and nothing like you will feel after ten years of marriage with him.

Men and Women are different, not unequal, different. As such you will both have different roles in the relationship, marriage and home. Understand what your role is and leave him to his. It doesn’t mean that because your husband considers himself the head of the family that he controls you. Don’t get caught up in what other people say. A women to me is the best of creation. We are adaptable, we can take so much more, we can sacrifice so much more.D on’t misunderstand me, you never have to be a martyr but recognise that you will always be able to overlook more than your husband can. Overlook, overlook,overlook, Forgive, forgive,forgive as long as he does not abuse your rights.  In the world of feminism, it can happen that one loses their femininity, don’t lose yours.

Do not be a superwoman. Do your duties and work hard in your relationship, home and life but there is no need to do everything. Remember that one must start as they mean to finish. What you take on will be expected of you so make sure in your haste to please you don’t lose sight of this.

Be good to your in-laws. I cannot stress this more than anything else. Be good to your in laws. You see, you have always been a good daughter and sister and friend to us. You have always made us proud. Be the same to your in laws. Treat them like your own, treat them like you treat us. Remember that we have made you who you are and in the same way they have made him what he is. Loving them, treating them well is the ultimate respect that you pay to him.

Marriage is not about romance. Get notions of this out of your head. You see I know the dreams you have of roses and sweet gifts and notes. He might be the same and that will work well but if he isn’t you will be very disappointed and that disappointment will cause bitterness. You see sometimes we build up something in our mind and it’s what we expect and when we don’t get it, we get disappointed. If you want romance you will need to spell it out to him and even then he might not get it.

On that note,  Men and Women are different in the way they communicate and good communication helps build a strong relationship. If you want something, say it. Spell it out. He can’t read your mind or the tone in your voice. Yes, I know you expect that he should but he can’t. It’s you setting yourself up for disappointment again by assuming he should just know. Men are simple creatures. Explain in detail what you want.

Choose your battles. Remember not to sweat the small stuff. Choose the fights that you have, make sure they worth it. Don’t ever let me catch you fighting about dishes in the sink or thrown socks. That’s where communication comes in.

Make sure that you talk about children and how you would like to raise them before you have them but even better still before you marry him. Make sure you are on the same page and discuss it in depth. It’s the best way to bring up kids, when parents are on the same page.

Financial stress leads to breakdown in relationships too often. Discuss finance in depth before you marry him and always keep this discussion current as your financial situation changes.

Be sexy. Don’t get so caught up in life that you don’t take out the time to make yourself look good everyday. You don’t need to look like a supermodel when you just going to drop the kids off at school but you always need to look neat and tidy. Make sure you take time out that’s special for just you and him and dress up and put an effort into the way you look. Don’t ever let me  catch you sitting in Pj’s at 5 if you not sick. Sex is important, it’s not just to make babies. Remember that it’s not a chore and that you meant to enjoy it. It needs to be earth shattering for you also. You need to feel like the earth just fell away from underneath you and as if your mind has been turned inside out. It won’t be like that at the start but you BOTH need to work at it till it does. Communication about sex is also good. It’s healthy so find a way to talk about it.

Lastly remember that you will get what you put in. It’s going to take work and alot of giving up and compromise but with it will come alot of happiness and contentment in your life. You will have a wicked marriage and a husband that appreciates and loves you muchly.

In three months you will be a married woman my friend. Take the time now to prepare for your happily ever after. The wedding is just the start, the marriage is forever.

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9 thoughts on “Happily ever after

  1. I wish I had written this down for my cousin before she got married.

    Although I told her as much, in the build up and afterward the honey moon phase, much of what I told her, she has promtply forgotten

    Esp where her hubby’s family in concerned.

    why do youngsters marry when they can’t deal with reality?

  2. Aasia, I wonder that all the time. There are way too many babies getting hitched.

    Azra, When you do decide to take the plunge, I’ll be there also 🙂

  3. Too many young get married and too many don’t last BUT with your words of wisdom, I’m sure her’s will.
    I hope you passed on the same bril wisdom to my cousin 🙂

  4. dont forget to write me something this precious once i am getting down the aisle AGAIN!
    i need some wise words… for it to last me this life at least!

  5. when you said be sexy – it felt like you were commanding her.. speaking of sexy – this font that im writing in is very sexy – what font is it?

  6. I am so loving the mosaic and new studio
    U designed yerself?
    I also dont care much for weddings but marriage can be happy
    I dont get why we have to spell things out
    Its easier just to find emotional intimacy with girls coz they get stuff without u breaking ur head and getting angry about their dumbness

  7. Zk- this was written for her awhile ago 🙂

    Seher- you are wise in the matters of love and marriage but I’ll be sure to write you something special anyway 🙂

    MJ- I was commanding her 🙂 It makes my point stronger. I have no idea what font it is. You asking Miss Technologically retarded.

    Nooj- see what I just said to MJ, Technologically retarded, I can barely check mail and fb on a pc.
    You right, it is easier with girls but I like guys better 🙂

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