Tainted

Dear Bubbaloo

I write to you because you the only one I can tell. I think you will be the only one who will understand. I don’t know, maybe.

I don’t seem to know anything these days. I’m lost. My heart is empty, there’s a void. There’s nothing there and with all the emptiness I don’t know what to do. I’m lost.

I thought I was strong, I thought I could do anything, I thought I could take on any challenge and no matter the result come out on top. I thought, I thought, I thought I could do it all.

I can’t. I don’t know how to face this. I don’t know how to make this work, how to get over this, I don’t know.

Do you know who I am? You need to tell me, You need to show me the path again, You need to help me.

Hah, I learnt to ask for help. Did you ever think that would happen?

The one thing that defined me was my passion, it’s gone, fizzled and it took hope with it.

The fearless one is now frozen in fear.

Help me.

It makes me shiver to tell you that I don’t believe anymore. I have lost my belief and without my belief I am crippled, I have no vision, no direction, no end game, I have nothing. It leaves me barren, empty.

You were there at the start, you were there through the trials and the hardship and the happiness and the smiles and the laughter. You saw through all the layers, you got into the core, you knew what I knew and so I need you to help me now. I need you to pull me up, I can’t, I don’t know how anymore.

You know what freezes me in my tracks….. that it all means nothing and that is what I can’t get my head around, that it all has no meaning. It doesn’t matter in the end. Nothing matters.

If it doesn’t matter then there is no point, no hope, no need, there is nothing.

I see the look of disapproval fall over your face, I see that spark of anger in your eyes, I see the effect of my words on you, I remember the days when all I wanted was to make you happy, I remember all the days we had, the memories don’t stir any emotions, perhaps the saddest part of all.

bye bye bubaloo

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2 thoughts on “Tainted

  1. The way you see your life has a great influence on the way your life unfolds. How are you choosing to see your life?

    Your perceptions shine a light upon the world around you. The world that you actually experience depends on how and where you shine that light.

    How do you most sincerely wish for this day, this life, this world to be? What you choose to see is what you will cause to be.

  2. “The fearless one is now frozen in fear.”

    sometimes i wonder about the ambiguities inherent in us. or maybe they occur over time, or even unexpectedly… i like this line. its sitting with me right now.

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