While I was away in South Africa on holiday my mum had a stroke and so I returned earlier than planned. The day I arrived she unfortunately had another stroke. Alhumdulilah she is doing better now and regaining her strength in her left side which was affected by the stroke.
Life for me since I’ve returned has been pretty hectic, with running the house while she was in hospital, getting straight back into work with extended christmas trading hours and entertaining a cousin here on holidayl, there’s not really time for much else.
We had some people come over on saturday evening to see my mum. I had just gotten home from work and was preparing dinner.The girl came into he kitchen and we were chatting while I cooked and she tried this mushroom sauce I was making and she tells me I passed the test and I’m ready to get married. I told her I’m so far from ready, to which she replied ” Yeh, I know, why don’t you want to get married. How come you’re so anti men?” I was quite taken aback to say the least.
I said I’m not anti men, where did she get that from and apparently a few other people were talking about me being anti men. There were a million thoughts zooming around my head.
About a week ago, there was a party for a friend’s birthday and towards the end of the afternoon one of the girls was saying that her husband has an issue with her reading books written by middle eastern women about abuse of their rights. I asked him why and his response was because they will brainwash her into thinking of Islam negatively and that these women who write such books exaggerate their experiences because they want people to view Islam in a negative way and they do it also for money.
I in turn said to him that his wife is educated, smart and a practicing Muslim who knows what Islam is about so I doubt any propaganda that might exist in any books will influence her negatively and that secondly you can’t lump these books and people’s experiences into such a sweeping statement because abuse of women does happen in Muslim circles. He then compared the abuse that happens in America to that of Muslim nations and says to me that America’s percentage of abuse is much more and why don’t we look at that. To me, the two are unrelated, we don’t compare ourselves to America for anything good, we always want to compare it to what’s worse (which in this case had no back up to the statement) and secondly we supposedly following Islam which should be the best of ways so why do we need to compare ourselves to America. I said this and it spiralled into an argument when his reply was that Saudi treats women according to the Sharia and that Women were created from the crooked rib of a man and thats why we are made with faults and so Allah made men in charge of us because of said faults. To be honest, internally, I actually lost my mind. I couldn’t believe that this person I know for years and respected was actually standing there telling me this.
His “evidence” to back up his claim of men were in charge of women was that Allah made it so that only a man can divorce his wife and not the other way around. Apparently there is also no such thing as a contract of marriage in Islam and men and women are not equal which is why women aren’t allowed in the mosque and aren’t allowed to be leaders in Islam.
For every example I provided for him from the history of Islam he kept getting angrier and I must tell you that I was proud that I actually did remain calm while I argued back (it’s rare). His claims started to get outrageous and he said to me Islam allows men to beat their women if they step out of line and I said to him are you referring to them being beaten by a miswaak? I told him that it was insecure men with inferior complexes that felt the need to beat up a woman and im really disappointed that he was one of them. His rebuttal was that I need to check that I am still in the fold of Islam and he thinks that I will have to take the shahaadah again. Not long after someone broke it off.
Then everyone else chipped in to add their opinions. Although he called back to apologise and tell me that he didn’t really believe anything he was saying and that he was just making a point, there was discussion at their place of me being anti men.
His mother told my mother what had happened the next day and told her that I’m too strong in my feminist views and that it won’t work out for me in the long run. No one wants a wife who thinks the way I do was what she said. My mother was not kind in her response. She asked her why she complained when her husband used to slap her around and why she still complains when he verbally bashes her to hell and back a different route. It is after all his right. Go Mom!
It showed me where he got his ideas from. It made me sad for his wife and I hope he never has a daughter.
I’m not anti men, just anti dickheads!
I’m anti men like him who deep down do believe that they have power over women, that women are just a piece of meat, there for them to do with as they please. I’m anti inferior pieces of shit who use their physical power and exert it over women and children that they are meant to love and cherish. I’m anti assholes who think it’s their God-given right to treat women like second class citizens. This is what im anti.
I won’t marry for the sake of being married, because it’s the next step in life, because it’s what’s expected of me, because apparently in some circles it’s a great tragedy that you not married.
I’m not anti marriage either.
I’ll wait until I feel like I’m ready to take that step and then if I meet the right man, who knows what it means to be a man, knows his responsibilities and rights and will honour my rights and I will make sure I meet my responsibilities, I’l get married.
Until then, call me anti men (assholes), anti marriage, a feminist ( like it’s a bad thing), call me what you like, I will always stand up for what is right, for equality, for human rights and if any fucker tries to impinge on my rights, he better watch out.