Reflections

I come on here so often to blog but either get distracted or find it hard to put my thoughts into words. Actually I often fail at expressing myself.

There is so much going on in the world and in my life that it seems like time is just going by so fast. There is just so much to do and so much to learn that I sometimes just get nothing done because I don’t know where to start. Does that happen to anyone else?

Figuring out where you fit in the world is hard work. Everytime you think you have it all worked out, you realise that you don’t.

We tend to look at ourselves with such rose-tinted, nay, rose painted glasses. I observe the way others talk about themselves and think Wow, that is nothing like you. It makes me wonder if I do the same thing. I think that I know myself really well and am comfortable in my skin but perhaps I, like them, are blinded to my true self.

It’s got me thinking and led to me wandering what I do to improve myself and I realised that I don’t do anything. There are no goals of self-improvement and I’m not talking about learning how to apply make up or an education, I’m talking about not doing anything to improve my personality, to strive to be a better person, to improve the way I view and interact with the world.

Nothing.

It’s arrogance actually, that makes me think I’ve got it all worked out, that I know best, that I’m perfect the way I am.

It’s so easy to take little things and pat yourself on the back and I realise I happily do that all the time. Measuring yourself by the positives people say about you is great but I wonder how we’d all feel about the negative that others say. How much would we accept and how much would we find a million excuses to dismiss.

It got me thinking further about how honest we are to each other and again got me self reflecting. How many of my friends am I honest with about themselves, I could pick only two that I could tell them whatever I wanted to and be totally honest. I knew they would be able to handle that honesty in a way that would not hurt our friendship. We try to protect people’s feelings and most of all we try to protect ourselves. In not being honest to them, am I just not being honest to myself?

Maybe we just overlook those things because the good outweighs the bad. We benefit enough from the good to blind ourselves to the other stuff. It’s so much easier to turn a blind eye to those that you love.

Love and selective memory should always go hand in hand.

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One thought on “Reflections

  1. Sometimes being too honest isolates people because they don’t understand what you’re trying to say or the context in which you’re trying to say it. I know this all too well.

    With me, I *rarely* mean things in the “tone” I say them because I can be quite expressive and dramatic and theatrical in real life 😉 So for instance, I may state something I believe in passionately and others may perceive it as me being Emotional or Upset, or Angry whereas the reality is that I was just talking in my boisterous, fiery-sermon kinda way, drenched in sarcasm and thats the way I chose to express myself at that point in time. So 90% of the time, peoples perceptions of who I based on how they interpret what I say is totally wrong and only those who really know me actually get it. They get when I’m being serious and they get when I’m just fooling around.

    Its for this reason I have a specific group of friends that always know what I’m saying, some even before the words leave my mouth 🙂

    That said, I have a tendency to be a little too honest. So if a friend asks me hows her new hairdo and if I think its shit, I’ll say so. Thing is, normally, many people will get offended but my real friends will tell me to “shut up” and laugh about it, knowing that I don’t mean it in the tone it was said.
    I’m not the kind of person that drops a thousand hints for you to pick up here and there. It’s 100% straightforward. If I’m pissed, I’m going to say “I’m PISSED!”… I will never pretend that I’m ok or drop subtle hints for people to play guessing games and make their own assumptions.

    I find that 99.9% of the Indian community here in SA can never be straight with you. They would rather kiss your ass and the minute you leave, they’ll gossip about you behind your back… always this need to be pretentious and speak in some f@#$ked up code that they hope you’ll get. Now that irritates the shit out of me coz I’m like, if you have something to say, just say it dammit.

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