I’m tired now

I’m so tired of this farce

Created in my own mind with my heart as its accomplice.
I dream of you, imagine being with you
In a world where we are one.

You are the guy that every woman dreams off

Safe, manly, kind
Like a bear hug that makes it all better

Funny, silly, responsible
A pleasant contradiction

A jerk, annoying, loving
Leaving me wanting to strangle you and curl up in your arms at the same time

But it’s that mind and heart playing tricks again, lulling me into the fantasy which I want to hold onto just for a moment longer.

And I snap out of it and continue to be your friend.

Your friend

And in your moment of loneliness you reach out and caress this longing

And every pep talk and lecture on reality I’ve tried to brainwash myself with flies out the window and I am like an addict taking anything I can get.

But I’m tired now, those bursts of moments where every part of me comes alive aren’t enough. I need more. I want more and you are oblivious to all of it.

You are my friend
With bursts of deceptive love.

And I am in love with you
Everyday, all day

But I’m tired

It’s gnawing away at my heart
It’s a stab wound to the heart every time I hear about you and her or her or her or her or her and rationality has gone out the window and I’m left feeling psychotic because of every thought that enters my mind and shatters my heart.

I’m tired now and my heart and mind must stop!

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